Relationship Rescue 101

Few people start out in their marriage wanting it to fail, you don’t want to be one of those marriages that fall apart? If this is you, then maybe you could find some help with a good “stop your divorce book” such as How We Love: A Revolutionary Approach to Deeper Connections in Marriage by Milan & Kay Yerkovich. You could then save yourselves from becoming just another one of those statistics.

So, those vows you took, did you mean them or were they kind of, “Well, yeah, I do for now until something better comes along”? That, my friend, seems to be the way too many couples approach their marriage.

Another reason too many marriages end in divorce is that the whole marriage thing gets taken for granted. Marriage is work people and anyone who thinks otherwise is doomed to fail. Marriage is not going to always be like the dating and then the honeymoon. Soon after, the
Honeymoon will end and reality will set in.

When that happens then the real work begins, too. There has to be daily communication between you, not to mention respect and trust. If you have taken your vows seriously then there should be only slight problems

Before you even get married there should be clear, set ground rules for everything. That way there will be no misunderstandings and making mountains out of molehills. If this does not happen then things will soon start to spiral out of control and you will find yourself at the library looking for a stop your divorce book. A book from the library will tell you all the things you are reading here and so much more.

Before there are any children brought into the marriage, especially if you rushed into things, learn to live together and make the household run smoothly. Do not, under any circumstances bring a child into the midst of your stupidity with the hopes that everything will suddenly be ok, it won’t. The only thing that will happen is that now there is a child that will be hurt beyond belief when the two of you do split up.

The statistics on children of divorced parents is underwhelming at the least. They are more likely to suffer from depression, start smoking or drinking or doing drugs, or all of the above. Not to mention they are more likely to be unable to maintain their own relationships and marriage also. And how would you feel if they didn’t “choose” you to be the parent they wanted to be with. It would just add more stress and strife to an already bad situation.

I usually do not like to recommend specific material in my articles but this is one time I will make an exception. I you want the title of a really good stop your divorce book, go to the library and check out the author Homer McDonald who wrote the book called, “Stop Your Divorce”. In this book he tells how he developed the theory that simply agreeing with your spouse can help save your marriage.

Arguing only fuels the fire and makes you look desperate and needy. This will only drive the other away faster. So agree, agree, agree. Don’t be a doormat but you know what they say about attracting more flies with honey than you do vinegar.

If you do end up getting divorced look at it as a step into your future, not at the past. To help you get over everything and keep those affected as happy as possible, we suggest this book by Constance Ahrons called  The Good Divorce.

Do you like to be each other’s pocket all the time, or do you need more space in a relationship? Or, is your partner asking for more space in a relationship? There is no set space amount allocated to couples in a relationship as each couple is different and different people require different amount of space. Some couples are happy the most when they are constantly together while others find that they do need some time to themselves.

The most difficult part is finding a compromise so that both partners in the relationship are happy with the amount of space they have. It can become quite difficult if each partner has a different idea of how much space they need. One person may like a lot of time to themselves while the other may like to be together much more. You need to try and reach a point somewhere in between that you can both be happy with.

Some people just don’t like to be alone and can become depressed when they get lonely. They like to always be spending time with someone whether it is their friends, family or their partner.

Some people just like to have a little bit of time alone each day to relax and relieve the stress of the day. They like some ‘alone’ time to have that solitude when they can be themselves and just completely relax.

Some people don’t like being tied down to one person and like a lot of freedom. They like to go out with their friends whenever they want to and not have someone stop them. They might like to go to the gym or for a ride just to get some alone time. They really enjoy being able to do the things they love on their own.

These are three different levels of how much space a person wants and it is good to find a balance somewhere in the middle. It is good to have some time alone to relax and recharge and it is good to spend time with your partner also.

If both parties in a relationship fall into the middle range of how much space they need then that will work out really well. Or even if you both fall into the same category of needing lots of space or not needing much space at all, as long as you are both on the same level then it is easy to work it out.

Problems can occur when the two partners have completely different ideas of how much space a person should have. If one loves to spend lots of time alone while the other doesn’t like to be alone, then it can be difficult to reach a compromise. If you really love one another then you need to try to understand the other person’s point of view and try to compromise.

If you can’t reach a compromise then the person that doesn’t like to be alone will feel neglected and lonely when the other partner often goes out on their own. At the same time, if a person likes to have lots of space they can feel smothered when the other partner is hanging around them constantly.

You need to communicate with one another and be honest about how you feel about how much space you need. If you don’t communicate about how much space you both need then that may lead to problems if one feels neglected or smothered, so it’s best to talk about it and reach some sort of agreement of the amount of space needed in your relationship.