Relationship Rescue 101

Many couples don’t want divorce because they believe that it equals failure and no one goes into their marriage wanting to fail. New facts and figures now state that if divorce is not considered when problems arise in a marriage that couples can resolve their issues and have a stronger marriage.

If you are having problems and are considering divorce, make sure to try to find alternatives that promote fixing the problems via open and truthful communication or marriage counseling. This is preferable over the pain and effort involved in divorcing your spouse.

When others hear that you are having marriage trouble, many couples get unsolicited advice from friends and co-workers that they really don’t want. Divorce to others can be seen as a quick fix when in truth it can simply add to your problems rather than fixing them. While you appreciate the support and advice offered by your friends, keep in mind that this is your marriage, not theirs.

By looking at statistics, 80 percent of surveyed couples who at one time considered divorce and subsequently decided not to go through with it claimed to be happily married years later. This can be explained by two possible outcomes. The first is that the couples who previously were considering divorce decided to deal with their problems directly. In doing so, it not only acknowledged their problems but it may have resulted in their finding effective solutions that saved their marriage.

The second is that when divorce was considered that it can change the entire dynamic of a relationship. For some couples this could be a positive thing or it could be detrimental to others. If a problem develops, those considering a divorce could see this as a way out without ever dealing with the issue directly. If these problems grow or the issues faced become more divisive, the option of divorce can be seen as an easy out and therefore become very appealing.

However, those who did not consider a divorce may find some success. They are forced to deal with their problems, and possibly find a constructive solution and common ground. Although this can be hard work and is not as easy as a divorce appears to be in fixing problems, working together and facing issues can be much more rewarding.

Marriage is a team of two players. When both players are actively working towards solutions to their problems and remove divorce as an option, resolutions can be found for their differences. This will strengthen their marriage as you will be working towards something better rather than looking for a way to cut your losses and run.

If you remove divorce as an option and resolve to work through your differences, you can make your marriage work. It will give you the motivation to work to improve your relationship through understanding and communication. By listening to each other and finding ways to compromise that benefit the both of you; you can build a marriage that will last for years to come.

Occasionally, even the best of marriages hit on rough times. In the event it happens and you with your partner want some help to work things out, a very sound choice is to seek out some marriage retreats locally.

Marriage retreats can come in all size and shapes. Some are more official than others, some integrate a lot of couples and others are usually smaller and more intimate. What is important is you as well as your partner find a retreat that you’ll feel at ease attending. For instance, if you’re not a religious person, you may not feel at ease attending a retreat that is sponsored by a church.

If you’re quite self conscious, you probably won’t want to show up at a retreat that will demand a lot of team pursuits. None of those things should be a problem since there are retreats which are tailored for couples of all types.

Most of the common subjects that might be covered in several retreats are these:

1. Learning better ways of communicating. Any pair who has been together for some time has no less than a little baggage.

Even strong, well suited couples will have built up some resentment and also misunderstanding if they’ve been together for many years. Many of these misunderstandings are simply a result of a lack of communication skills. You hear about it all the time, but exactly what does poor communication skills really suggest?

Well, in the context of a marriage it means that one or even each partner are not good at articulating themselves and/or truly objectively paying attention to exactly what their partner is saying. This is the huge difficulty.

Maybe you have observed that men and women correspond in a different way. Men have the tendency to want to “fix” things. Females often just want to think that they’re understood.

So when a wife tries to tell her partner about the jerk she has to deal with at the office, he often hears “I have to help, fix it”. In his mind when he informs her “simply ignore them” he’s helping. But in the woman’s mind, he is becoming dismissive and unsympathetic. That’s what can make it so hard. And that is why virtually any couple can benefit from learning how to see things from the other individuals standpoint.

2. The way to let go. This too is big. Again, in the event you and your partner have baggage from earlier misunderstandings, the only method you are able to go on to have a loving and satisfying connection is to move past these.

This could be easier said than done since most of us will bury the hurt and also frustration so far down we are not in fact consciously aware of it. This means that first you should “dig it up” and then you will need to heal it. And also, a lot of us don’t want to do this since that hurts. In several cases we’re more comfortable trying to keep it buried. However, it is buried but it’s far from gone. It can come back and cause problems whenever you least anticipate it.

So, if you along with your partner want to shore up your marriage and learn better ways associated with coping with your issues, and each other, marriage retreats can provide an option.

So you want to get back in the dating game? If it has been a long time, I can assure you that things are a bit different now than they were twenty or more years ago. For one thing, it is common for women to ask men out, and just as common for them to either pick up the tab or suggest going Dutch treat; particularly these days, when everyone is feeling the economic crunch!

However, if you really want to WOW the lady, you should plan carefully, be creative, innovative, and not expect her to shell out…in any sense of the word. You want it to be a memorable, unique, and fun date that will leave her hoping for more. Believe it or not, you can accomplish this without spending more money that you can afford. This date is supposed to be enjoyable for your both!

The main object of getting back in the dating game is to learn more about this person, and to tell her something about you, without just sitting over drinks and talk, talk, talking about yourself. It is so much more effective to show her, in subtle ways, than to simply brag about how great you are.

Whether you are a young man working up to a first date, or a widower or divorced man who hasn’t dated in long time, plan your date from the invitation to evening’s end with care. For that matter if you’ve been married for thirty years, when is the last time you asked your spouse out for a special date???

In order to get back in the dating game, you have to become visible. Are you wondering where to go to meet your next date? Well, a lot depends on what kind of date you are looking for. If you want to start shopping around for a companion, a close friend, or a significant other, you aren’t necessarily going to shop in the same places you would go for a one night stand, or a casual pick up. So let us consider your own interests first of all.

If you are looking for a sensitive, caring individual, that is generous and thoughtful, a good way to find her is to volunteer for a good cause, in a hospital, or something else like that. If you love to debate politics, volunteer to work for the party of your choice.

If you want someone with a good mind that thirsts for knowledge, take a class at your local community college or join a book club. If you want your friend to be your bridge partner, join a bridge club. If you love to play poker, check out the poker rooms. And if you love to dance, take a class.

By looking in places that interest you, you are going to find a person that has that interest in common with you. And if all you want is someone to drink and spend a wild night with you, a singles’ bar is where you should go. Bring plenty of money for that one! The dating game is a complex thing, but meeting people is not. You just have to look in the right places!

Perfect dates don’t just happen. You need to plan them and then be prepared for the unexpected. So let’s look at some tips for successful dating. And we can also look at what you can do when all your careful planning goes awry!

Don’t dwell on the past. Just because you weren’t totally successful the first time out of the gate or even the second time, that’s in the past. You are attempting to do something new, and that feeling of fear in your stomach is a good thing.

Of utmost importance is being on time. You are not putting your dates in a receptive frame of mind when they have been kept waiting and wondering if they’ve been stood up. Leave your home early to allow for traffic and weather, and pick your date up early enough that you won’t be rushing and breathless when you arrive at your destination.