Relationship Rescue 101

When healing a broken heart from love now gone, the most important thing you have to remember is that it will take time – for some it will take longer than for others. I know, this is probably the last thing you want to hear, no one wants to stay in pain any longer than they have to but that’s life I’m afraid. While it will take time to move on and feel better, there are some things you can do to make things go a little easier.

1. Firstly, don’t sit back and wait for your hurt to heal, you need to be proactive. Grab your life by the horns, take control and make some changes. What is it that you’ve been putting on the back burner? A new job, holiday, a new look?  Whatever it is, just do it now. It will make you feel like a new person, which will help you move on a little more quickly.

2. Only allow yourself a limited amount of time to ‘wallow’ in your misery. Of course, most people will mope around for a few days, or even a week, but that’s it. Don’t hide from the world. You may not be ready to start dating, and you probably shouldn’t, but that doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with your friends and just start moving on with your life, even if it’s only in very small steps.

3. While you don’t want to wallow in a sea of ‘what if’s’ (see step 2), it is a good idea to spend some time trying to figure out what went wrong. Not so you can get your ex back, but so you can hopefully avoid making the same mistakes the next time around…and make no mistake, if you allow it, there will be a next time and another love.

The end of a relationship with someone you love can be very painful, to anyone currently going through it that will probably sound like a massive understatement. But if you go about it the right way you can help speed the healing process along a little bit and that is where these healing a broken heart from love tips may come in handy.

I guess you’ve heard the song “Breaking Up Is Hard To Do”, and it’s true. No matter which side of the breakup you are on, it’s just as hard to be the one breaking up as the one who is being dumped.  If you are the one who is doing the breaking up, then it is important to find the nicest possible way to do it without causing too much pain and confusion. If you must do it, please follow these breakup tips to make it easier for everyone.

Depending on your personal situation, your partner may or may not foresee the breakup coming. If things have been rough for a while, then it probably won’t come as such as shock to them, but if you’ve been keeping your unhappiness and misery to yourself, your partner may be blindsided so you need to be particularly careful about the way you handle the situation.

a. Be completely honest. It’s important that you let the other person know why you are ending the relationship.  Do not tell fibs, in the long run it will just do more harm and may come back to haunt you. If you’re not in love with them anymore, let them know but very gently. If you are already seeing someone else this is something that you can keep to yourself for now.

b. Whatever you do, don’t be a coward and send a text, meet your partner face to face. The only exception to this rule is if your partner is abusive and could be potentially dangerous. If that’s the case than by all means send a text.

c. Don’t make try and apportion blame to your partner. If you think the relationship has run it’s course, that’s enough to say. You do not need to parade out a long list of grievances that have accumulated over time.  That is likely to end up in a fight and that will mean dragging up all the other arguments you’ve already had!

d. Stick to your guns. Hopefully before you even broach the subject of breaking up you will have given it a lot of thought and have come to the conclusion that it is the best course of action.  If that’s the case, don’t let your partner send you on a guilt trip into staying together. If you have make your decision emotionally, you won’t be able to make it work anyway so it is best to make a clean break anyway.

If you use these breakup tips, you will both be able to leave the relationship with your pride intact.

If you say that you need some relationship rescue help, then take heart as there are a lot of things you can do. Remember, you are not alone and there is a wealth of experience out there for you to draw on.  For instance, there are many self-help guides out there, or you could just try to talk to friends or perhaps see a therapist if things get really bad, tell them “I need help saving my relationship”. The main thing is that before you get help, it’s important that you take some time to determine if you are really willing to act on the advice you are given.

Here are a couple things to think about:

Firstly, what has brought your relationship to this point and how much of it has been your fault?  Owning up to your own issues is the first step to mending your relationship. Until both parties are willing to admit their own shortcomings and are willing to find solutions, than the relationship won’t work.

Secondly, are you both mature enough to not only face your own issues, but to make the changes you need to for your relationship to succeed?  Many people aren’t strong enough to deal with their problems, they find it so much easier to just point fingers and blame their partner.

Third, are you and your partner willing to forgive and forget?  If either of you would rather be ‘right’ all the time, then just move on from here as it’s unlikely that the relationship will flourish or be fulfilling. To make things work you have to both be willing to move forward together and let go of some of the hurt and the anger from the past.

Lastly, are you and your partner able (and willing) to keep a positive outlook and keep plugging away and trying to fix the problems in your relationship?  Unless you are both 100% committed to being in this for the long haul, your relationship is unlikely to succeed. It’s likely to take the two of you some time to break old, bad habits and replace them with better habits.

If you ask for help saying,”I need help saving my relationship”, the first thing you should do is to honestly ask the questions above.  If you don’t think you can follow through on these issues (or you don’t think your partner will), you may not be able to salvage your relationship and it may be time for the two of you to go your separate ways as attempts at a relationship rescue will not succeed.

For more advice on a variety of relationship issues we recommend the Magic of Making Up.