Relationship Rescue 101

Life is filled with much more than its fair share of ups and downs. Being in a happy relationship is definitely one of the ups. You and your boyfriend are getting along so well, and you just feel so good when you’re with him. But then bang! All of sudden you find out that you’re breaking up. This is a prime example of one of the downs. To make it even worse, your former boyfriend is now with another woman, and seems to be happy. Regardless of what happened, you now realize that you want to know how to win back an ex boyfriend.

Before you make a move of any kind you need to do two things. First, you need to take a deep look at yourself and ask if you really want him back. Don’t answer too quickly. There s always a chance that you only think you want him back. Is it possible that you only want to get back together because he’s with somebody else? Only you can answer that question. Second, if you really do want him back, you need to know that it won’t always be easy, but it is entirely possible.

One of the best moves you can make is to give him some time. There’s a good chance that he is only with “her” because he is on the rebound. He doesn’t care for her as much as he thinks he does. However, it takes time for guys to realize they don’t care for the new woman they are with. This means that if you move too quickly, you will catch him at the point in his new relationship where he feels the strongest towards “her”. By giving it time, you are giving him time to come to his senses.

Now, there is something that is going to complicate the issue of how to win back an ex boyfriend. And that is his new girlfriend. While you may be able to get back together with him if you are able to talk to him alone, there’s a good chance that she’s not going to let that happen. But that’s not bad news, and you can use it to your advantage. All you need to do is show that you are more mature than she is. Whatever you do, do not get involved in a feud with her; even if you think you can win, you will lose in the long run.

Whenever you do get a chance to talk to him, do it on a friendly level. Don’t start spilling your guts about how sorry you are and how much you want him back. You may want to do that, but resist that temptation. Remain upbeat and positive, and simply ask how he is doing. Do not say bad things about his new girlfriend, as that will only make him get defensive.

Giving it time and doing the right things are the keys to how to win back an ex boyfriend. Remember, it won’t always be easy, but it is possible, and if you love him it will be worthwhile.

If it comes to finding help for a troubled relationship, many couples will find the best thing they can do is to see a marriage counselor or therapist. Naturally, many couples will feel uncomfortable with the idea of getting professional help. But if you can work past these feelings you may find that having an objective, outside party steer both of you into a  healthier way of interacting and communicating will make all the difference to your relationship.

However, no matter how good a therapist may be, they are not known as miracle workers. Unless both partners are committed to making things work and making whatever changes need to be made, it’s unlikely that the relationship can be saved. It takes two to break and two to fix a broken relationship.

Another thing to consider is what type of therapist you want to get. Many people will get referrals from their pastor or priest. If you decide to go this route, just be careful. Sometimes religious based counselors are coming from a place of ‘keeping the marriage together at all costs’. Sometimes marriages or relationships shouldn’t be saved. It’s important that you find a counselor that believes finding ways to make your marriage good, strong and mutually beneficial is the only way to go, not to stay together for the wrong reasons.

A good therapist will make sure that it doesn’t appear that they are taking sides. Both partner’s will have some issues that they bring to the relationship though it’s not always 50/50. The fact that she may be a bad housekeeper isn’t on the same level as his over drinking or infidelity. But even so, the counselor has to be unbiased and attempt to help you both find common ground. Their job is also to get you to really talk to each other properly.

There are many places you can turn to find help for a troubled relationship. Finding a therapist that can help the two of you meet in the middle is only one path that has helped many couples save their relationship. It may be able to help you too. If you just feel uncomfortable with this idea, there are also many books on the subject so you and your partner can deal with these issues in the privacy of your home.

Have you ever asked someone, “I need help saving my relationship”? Then there are many places you can turn to for help. For example, you can go to a therapist, read some self help books, or just try to talk to close friends. The point is, that before you get help, it is important that you take some time to determine if you are really willing to do what needs to be done.

Consider these points:

1. Firstly, what has brought your relationship to this point and how much of it do you think has been your fault? Owning up to your own problems is the first step to saving your relationship. Until both parties are willing to admit their own problems and shortcomings and are willing to find solutions, than the relationship won’t work.

2. Are you and your partner mature enough to not only face your own issues, but to make the changes you need to make? Many people are just not that strong enough to deal with their problems, they find it much easier to just point fingers and blame their partner.

3. Are you both willing to forgive and forget? If one or the other of you would rather be ‘right’, it’s unlikely that the relationship will flourish or be fulfilling. To make things work you have to both be willing to move forward and let go of some of the hurt and anger from the past.

4. Are you and your partner willing to keep a positive outlook and keep plugging away and trying to fix the problems in your relationship? Unless you are both committed to being in this for the long haul, it probably won’t work. It is likely to take the two of you quite some time to break old and bad habits and form better habits.

Needing help saving my relationship, the first thing you should do is to honestly ask the questions above. If you don’t think you can follow through on these issues, or you think your partner will be unwilling to do their part, you may not be able to salvage your relationship and it may be time for the two of you to part ways.

We recommend the Magic of Making Up for many more ideas that may help.