Relationship Rescue 101

If you are thinking about healing a broken relationship it is not always easy to do what is necessary. The hardest two words in any language are to say “I’m sorry”. However, by learning to say those two words, and really meaning it, you can do a lot to salvage an otherwise good relationship that has spiralled way out of control.

We always have a much easier time seeing other people’s faults than we do our own.  Sure, I can tell you everything my spouse did wrong, you probably can say the same about yours, but what did YOU do wrong? Once you fully  accept responsibility for it, you will have taken the first step to pulling your relationship back from the edge of failure.

Of course, for this to be really effective, then both parties have to be willing to own up to and apologize for their bad behaviors. It won’t do much good to the overall well being of the relationship if only one person is big enough to admit they were wrong and make a concerted effort to change.

It is so important for each person to stay focused on what they did wrong and try to find ways to improve the destructive behavior, rather than just to expect the other person to change first. This happens so often in relationships: both partners are waiting for the other one to change, both want to be ‘right’ and neither one is willing to step up to the plate and go first.

The nice thing is that if you are willing to concentrate solely on you (which is really the only thing that you have control over changing anyway), than not only will you open the door to salvaging your relationship, you will also show your partner that you care enough about them and your relationship to do whatever needs to be done to salvage it.

Many men seem to have a particularly hard time admitting they’re wrong ( I don’t mean to be sexist), but men often equate apologizing with a form of weakness. Nothing could be further from the truth. It’s easy to go through life hurting others and refusing to admit you were wrong and apologize. The truly hard part, and the thing that proves you’re a strong man, is to be able to open yourself up enough to admit you were wrong. Try it once and see how hard it really can be.

The best advice on healing a broken relationship is simply to learn to apologize. You’ll be surprised what it can do.

Have you ever asked someone, “I need help saving my relationship”? Then there are many places you can turn to for help. For example, you can go to a therapist, read some self help books, or just try to talk to close friends. The point is, that before you get help, it is important that you take some time to determine if you are really willing to do what needs to be done.

Consider these points:

1. Firstly, what has brought your relationship to this point and how much of it do you think has been your fault? Owning up to your own problems is the first step to saving your relationship. Until both parties are willing to admit their own problems and shortcomings and are willing to find solutions, than the relationship won’t work.

2. Are you and your partner mature enough to not only face your own issues, but to make the changes you need to make? Many people are just not that strong enough to deal with their problems, they find it much easier to just point fingers and blame their partner.

3. Are you both willing to forgive and forget? If one or the other of you would rather be ‘right’, it’s unlikely that the relationship will flourish or be fulfilling. To make things work you have to both be willing to move forward and let go of some of the hurt and anger from the past.

4. Are you and your partner willing to keep a positive outlook and keep plugging away and trying to fix the problems in your relationship? Unless you are both committed to being in this for the long haul, it probably won’t work. It is likely to take the two of you quite some time to break old and bad habits and form better habits.

Needing help saving my relationship, the first thing you should do is to honestly ask the questions above. If you don’t think you can follow through on these issues, or you think your partner will be unwilling to do their part, you may not be able to salvage your relationship and it may be time for the two of you to part ways.

We recommend the Magic of Making Up for many more ideas that may help.

If you say that you need relationship rescue help, there are a lot of things you can do as you are not alone.  For instance, there are many self-help out there, or just try to talk to friends or perhaps see a therapist if things get really bad, tell them “I need help saving my relationship”. The main thing is that before you get help, it’s important that you take some time to determine if you are really willing to act on the advice you are given.

Here are a couple things to thing about:

Firstly, what has brought your relationship to this point and how much of it has been your fault?  Owning up to your own issues is the first step to mending your relationship. Until both parties are willing to admit their own shortcomings and are willing to find solutions than the relationship won’t work.

Secondly, are you both mature enough to not only face your own issues, but to make the changes you need to make for your relationship to succeed?  Many people aren’t strong enough to deal with their problems, they find it so much easier to just point fingers and blame their partner.

Third, are you and your partner willing to forgive and forget?  If one or the other of you would rather be ‘right’ all the time, then just move on from here as it’s unlikely that the relationship will flourish or be fulfilling. To make things work you have to both be willing to move forward together and let go of some of the hurt and the anger from the past.

Lastly, are you and your partner able (and willing) to keep a positive outlook and keep plugging away and trying to fix the problems in your relationship?  Unless you are both 100% committed to being in this for the long haul, your relationship is unlikely to succeed. It’s likely to take the two of you some time to break old, bad habits and replace them with better habits.

If you ask for help saying,”I need help saving my relationship”, the first thing you should do is to honestly ask the questions above.  If you don’t think you can follow through on these issues (or you don’t think your partner will), you may not be able to salvage your relationship and it may be time for the two of you to go your separate ways as attempts at a relationship rescue will not succeed.

For more advice on a variety of relationship issues we recommend the Magic of Making Up.