Relationship Rescue 101

If your happen to be reading this, there is a strong possibility that your are concerned about your own marriage or someone elses who is close to you. Here, you will find some ‘real’ tips on how you can begin to fix your marriage and hopefully, even improve your relationship.

1. Be realistic. Take a long hard look at you and your spouse. Do both of you really want to work on the marriage? Now is not the time for wishful thinking, it is time for a reality check.

If both of you aren’t willing to make changes the odds of you saving your marriage are very low.

2. If you honestly think that both of you are interested in doing what needs to be done to save the marriage, the next step is to determine what to do.

In most cases, the longer a relationship goes on, the more resentments and bitterness have built up. Chipping away at all this “residue” will take time. But first you need to identify it.

That can be difficult. You see, no normal person goes ballistic because their husband left the seat up or because their wife burned the casserole ( a little annoyed and frustrated sure, but not enraged).

The over the top anger usually stems from something else entirely. It has been festering right under the surface and the smallest thing can set it off.

Identifying this festering anger and the real causes behind it will allow both of you to face the old hurts and anger and move on past them.

3. None of what I have talked about is all that hard, however it can still be helpful to find someone to guide the two of you through.

These emotional issues are like landmines, if you don’t watch where you step they can blow up in your face.  A good counselor can act as a bit of a navigator and a bit of a referee. That may make it possible for the two of you to actually accomplish something worthwhile.

4. And last, but not least, learn how to communicate in an effective non – toxic way. Too many times the old hurts and angers will show up in your words too.

When that happens, the simplest comment can sound like condemnation and it can set your partner off.

No one likes to feel like they are being blamed or judged and if the two of you don’t know how to communicate and move past the debris of the past, you will continually set each other off and nothing will get accomplished.

These tips will help you gain perspective and start making positive changes which will make it easier for you to fix your marriage. It can be done, get the help you need and keep a positive attitude and the two of you may just work it out.

Do you think my boyfriend is a good match for me?

Doesn’t it always seem like the first few weeks of your relationship are wonderful? He seems the best thing since sliced bread and you begin to think he may be ‘the one’.  But then some time passes and the initial attraction starts to wear off. Now, instead of thinking he’s Mr. Right, you’re starting to ask yourself “is my boyfriend a good match for me?” It’s an important question to ask yourself, and the sooner you can answer it, the better. Here are a few things for you to keep in mind as you search for the answer.

One of the best things you can do is talk to your boyfriend. Be sure you’re not grilling him with questions because he’s not on trial. The whole purpose is to try to get to know him better. Ask him about his thoughts on the things that matter the most to you. While you’re not looking for 100% agreement, it’s important to share at least some of the same values. You should keep these conversations very low-key and friendly, and he should never feel as though he is defending himself. Pay attention to his answers and then take a few days to really think about them.

You should also find out how he views your future together. Be very careful here, because a lot of guys will view this as being pushed into making a commitment…and that could scare him off. Don’t worry, if the two of you get along and are a good match, he will eventually warm up to the idea of being in a more committed relationship. But for now you want to find out how he views family life and things like that. You can always compromise on some things, but only to a point. For example, if he wants to have 8 kids, but you only want 1 or 2, then it may be time to move on…or at least have a deeper conversation on the subject.

There is more to answering the question of “is my boyfriend a good match for me” than just talking to him. You need to be honest with yourself about how you feel about him, and how he makes you feel. Right now you may be a bit nervous because the novelty of a new relationship is starting to wear off, but that alone isn’t enough to dump him. Let’s face it, nobody’s perfect. Are there things about him that irritate you? Does he have a few habits that drive you up the wall? If so, then that’s perfectly normal.

Does he make you feel important? Does he value and respect you? Is he able to put up with your imperfections? If he doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, then you may want to break things off sooner rather than later. On the other hand, if you can answer yes to those questions then it’s a very strong sign that the two of you are a good fit for one another.

Do you like to be each other’s pocket all the time, or do you need more space in a relationship? Or, is your partner asking for more space in a relationship? There is no set space amount allocated to couples in a relationship as each couple is different and different people require different amount of space. Some couples are happy the most when they are constantly together while others find that they do need some time to themselves.

The most difficult part is finding a compromise so that both partners in the relationship are happy with the amount of space they have. It can become quite difficult if each partner has a different idea of how much space they need. One person may like a lot of time to themselves while the other may like to be together much more. You need to try and reach a point somewhere in between that you can both be happy with.

Some people just don’t like to be alone and can become depressed when they get lonely. They like to always be spending time with someone whether it is their friends, family or their partner.

Some people just like to have a little bit of time alone each day to relax and relieve the stress of the day. They like some ‘alone’ time to have that solitude when they can be themselves and just completely relax.

Some people don’t like being tied down to one person and like a lot of freedom. They like to go out with their friends whenever they want to and not have someone stop them. They might like to go to the gym or for a ride just to get some alone time. They really enjoy being able to do the things they love on their own.

These are three different levels of how much space a person wants and it is good to find a balance somewhere in the middle. It is good to have some time alone to relax and recharge and it is good to spend time with your partner also.

If both parties in a relationship fall into the middle range of how much space they need then that will work out really well. Or even if you both fall into the same category of needing lots of space or not needing much space at all, as long as you are both on the same level then it is easy to work it out.

Problems can occur when the two partners have completely different ideas of how much space a person should have. If one loves to spend lots of time alone while the other doesn’t like to be alone, then it can be difficult to reach a compromise. If you really love one another then you need to try to understand the other person’s point of view and try to compromise.

If you can’t reach a compromise then the person that doesn’t like to be alone will feel neglected and lonely when the other partner often goes out on their own. At the same time, if a person likes to have lots of space they can feel smothered when the other partner is hanging around them constantly.

You need to communicate with one another and be honest about how you feel about how much space you need. If you don’t communicate about how much space you both need then that may lead to problems if one feels neglected or smothered, so it’s best to talk about it and reach some sort of agreement of the amount of space needed in your relationship.