Relationship Rescue 101

One of the worst things to have to go through is the end of a relationship. In most cases it will take time to get back to the ‘normal’ life you had before. The longer and more intense the relationship the longer it usually takes dealing with relationship break up.

There are no hard and fast rules about how long it should take to move on after a breakup. Everyone is different. Sometimes friends and family may mean well when they tell you to ‘get back out there’ but in reality, they may be depriving you of the opportunity to get your head around everything that has happened.

This time to regroup and sort everything out is very important, if it’s done right. It’s not about wallowing in ‘what if’s’ or stalking your ex, or spending weeks on the couch convinced that your life is over. If you spend this time analyzing the relationship, good and bad, try to figure out honestly where you went wrong, you’ll stand a much better chance of being able to move on with minimal baggage.

Now, no one is saying that you’ll be able to look at things logically and clearly in a few weeks. In most cases it will take a month, or months, to get enough distance to be able to start deconstructing where the relationship went wrong, and that is one of the reasons you don’t need to rush the ‘moving on’ stage.

On the other hand, you should be making at least small, consistent strides forward after a month or so. If not, you may need some extra help. If you’re just not moving on, even in baby steps, you should seek help. The same thing holds true if you find yourself engaging in self destructive behavior such as having sex with anyone you can find or drinking too much.

Don’t think of this as being a sign of weakness, as a matter of fact, nothing could be further from the truth. It takes enormous amounts of strength and courage to admit you have a problem and ask for help.

If you are doing o.k. on your own than one of the things you should be doing is spending time doing positive things with positive people. Most of us have that one friend who seems to be able to make us laugh no matter what is going on in our world. Spend time with that person.

It’s also a good idea to rediscover yourself, those parts you put on hold when you were with your partner. Those things you like to do but didn’t do because your partner didn’t want to do them. Now is the time to re acquaint yourself with those activities.

Breakups suck, I’m sorry but there’s just no polite way to say it. The nice thing is that if you approach it the right way, you can find constructive ways of dealing with relationship break up that might not only help you move on a little more quickly, but that also might help you out in your next relationship.

Breaking up is certainly difficult to do, no matter which side of the relationship you are on. Many people don’t realize it, but it’s just as hard to be the one breaking up as the one who is getting dumped. When you are the one who is doing the breaking up, it’s important to find the best way to go about it to inflict the least amount of pain and confusion – remember, if you don’t still care for your partner, you did once. Follow these breakup tips to ease the pain for everyone involved.

Depending on your situation, your partner may or may not see the breakup coming. If the signs have been there for a long time it probably won’t come as such as shock to them, but if you’ve been keeping your displeasure and unhappiness to yourself your partner may be blindsided so you need to be particularly careful about the way you handle the situation.

Use these breakup tips to make things as easy as possible:

a. Be honest. It’s important that you let the other person know why you are ending the relationship. Don’t lie, in the long run it will just do more harm. If you’re not in love with them anymore, let them know…gently. If you are already seeing someone else this is something that you can keep to yourself.

b. Meet your partner face to face. Don’t be a coward and send a text. Tacky! The only exception to this rule is if your partner is abusive and potentially dangerous. If that’s the case than by all means send a text.

c. Don’t make it about blame. If you think the relationship has run it’s course, that’s enough. You don’t need to parade out a long list of grievances that have accumulated over time. It will likely only end up in a fight and it will just be a repeat of many arguments that have come before.

d. Stick to your guns. Hopefully before you even broach the subject of breaking up you will have given it a lot of thought and have come to the conclusion that it is the best course of action. If that’s the case, don’t let your partner guilt you into staying together. If you’re done emotionally, you won’t be able to make it work anyway so it’s best to make a clean break.

Use these breakup tips so both of you can leave the relationship with your head held high.

After a bad break up it would not be uncommon to ask yourself “how do I get my ex back after a breakup?”  It’s a fair question and illustrates that you still have feelings for them. However, the question also comes with a healthy dose of uncertainty. The good news is that there are some things you can do to have a better idea of your chances of getting back together.

It all comes down to communication. You need to be talking to each other to get an idea of how things are going. With that in mind, here a few ways to use communication to your advantage.

Flirt a little! The purpose of doing this is not to tease him, it’s to see if he returns the flirting. If you want to know how your question of “how do I get my ex back?” is being answered, then this is a great place to start.

When talking, be sure to maintain eye contact. At the same time, see how well he keeps eye contact with you. Also, be sure to see if there is any kind of pattern to when he breaks eye contact. For example, if he looks away any time you mention your prior relationship together, then that’s probably a bad sign.

If your ex happens to be the one initiating contact, even if it’s under the guise of small talk, then that shows that he’s interested in talking to you. As long as he is willing to talk, there is hope for getting back together.

See how they react whenever you mention your breakup, or see if they mention it in the first place. The next step is to listen to what words they choose when talking about it. Even if they are seemingly remorseful or claiming to be sorry about it, the actual words they use can be a better indicator of their true feelings.

Don’t try to make him jealous, but feel free to drop hints that you are ready and willing to explore other options. Again, note how he responds to this. You have to be subtle when doing this, otherwise he will get the idea that it is permanently over, and that he can move on, too.

Do something that may draw a compliment from him, and see if he takes the bait. For example, a new outfit or a new hairdo. If he wouldn’t have commented on such things when you were together, but he does now, you can take that as a positive hint of getting back together in the near future.

And now, saving the best for last. So far we have been talking about verbal communication, but there is one other aspect that is worth being on the alert for, and that’s being physical. Easy! That doesn’t mean anything overt. Instead, when you’re talking pay attention to “accidental” brushes against your arm, touches on your hands, or even a playful elbow. The question of “how do I get my ex back after a break up?” is wrought with confusion and trepidation, but if he’s touching you, then you’re sure to be back together sooner, rather than later.