Relationship Rescue 101

If you say that you need relationship rescue help, there are a lot of things you can do as you are not alone.  For instance, there are many self-help out there, or just try to talk to friends or perhaps see a therapist if things get really bad, tell them “I need help saving my relationship”. The main thing is that before you get help, it’s important that you take some time to determine if you are really willing to act on the advice you are given.

Here are a couple things to thing about:

Firstly, what has brought your relationship to this point and how much of it has been your fault?  Owning up to your own issues is the first step to mending your relationship. Until both parties are willing to admit their own shortcomings and are willing to find solutions than the relationship won’t work.

Secondly, are you both mature enough to not only face your own issues, but to make the changes you need to make for your relationship to succeed?  Many people aren’t strong enough to deal with their problems, they find it so much easier to just point fingers and blame their partner.

Third, are you and your partner willing to forgive and forget?  If one or the other of you would rather be ‘right’ all the time, then just move on from here as it’s unlikely that the relationship will flourish or be fulfilling. To make things work you have to both be willing to move forward together and let go of some of the hurt and the anger from the past.

Lastly, are you and your partner able (and willing) to keep a positive outlook and keep plugging away and trying to fix the problems in your relationship?  Unless you are both 100% committed to being in this for the long haul, your relationship is unlikely to succeed. It’s likely to take the two of you some time to break old, bad habits and replace them with better habits.

If you ask for help saying,”I need help saving my relationship”, the first thing you should do is to honestly ask the questions above.  If you don’t think you can follow through on these issues (or you don’t think your partner will), you may not be able to salvage your relationship and it may be time for the two of you to go your separate ways as attempts at a relationship rescue will not succeed.

For more advice on a variety of relationship issues we recommend the Magic of Making Up.

Romantic relationships happen all the time and it is quite possible that they can happen in the workplace as they can anywhere else. When you work with a lot of people every day, friendships will develop and can possibly turn into something more. You might find that a group of co-workers will start going out on the town for drinks after work every Friday night.

This behavior is normal and romantic relationships can develop between two people who spend a lot of time together in any situation and who may find they have feelings for each other. How this can influence things at work depends on if the relationship works out or not.

If you are considering dating someone at work check out the HR policy on it first, you may find you can get into some trouble if you date someone within the company. Otherwise do what you can to keep things under wraps while you are at work.

No one needs to know your business and if there is a policy against co-workers dating then you will stay out of trouble. A third reason is that you both will not become fodder for rumours.

When the dynamic changes between two people at work and they decide to commit to each other in a serious manner, care must be taken to keep productivity at the same level or higher otherwise the boss will suspect something is going on and may question you.

Do what you can to stay as productive as were before the relationship started and you will not have any problems. Do not spend all of your time sending e-mails or calling the other person on the phone. There is a time and a place for all of that and that isn’t at work.

Make plans to meet for lunch before you get to work. Then at lunch make plans for after work. Try your best to keep your relationship out of the workplace. You may be so excited and feel like telling some of your closer co-workers about your new love but refrain from doing so. Word will get out if you do this and this is when the trouble we talked about earlier can start. No one needs to lose their job over falling in love especially in this economy where jobs are hard to come by. Do everything you can to keep the one you’ve got.

If the newness wears off and the relationship starts to go sour do your best to keep the breaking up out of the workplace as well. Do not let your productivity waver in this situation either. Deal with the break up on your own time.

Romantic relationships can be tough at any time, but between two co-workers it needs special attention. If things do go sour and you work in the same department then one of you could ask for a transfer to another department to stay out of trouble. You know what they say, “Out of sight, out of mind”.

All relationship may take a great deal of work to make them successful, none more so than a long distance marriage. Relationships are not something you can just let sit by and expect them to work right. If you do not put in the time and effort, it will fall through.

Long distance marriages can require even more work than normal relationships as you and your spouse are separate from one another. These types of relationships can put a lot of strain on your marriage which can make them difficult to deal with. This is why it is important to find ways to make them work, from simple communication to playing marriage games to keep yourselves happy.

However even with that you may be left wondering what exactly you can do to make it work. You still love each other despite the distance, so you do not want to let that come between you. To this end there are several tips you can follow that can help you overcome this distance hurdle.

1. Establish a clear line of communication. Communication is the single most important part of any relationship, including marriage. So finding a means to communicate over the long distance is imperative. It can be in any number of ways, from simple phone calls, to letters, to emails, to webcams, to VOIP. Using a variety of these methods can also be employed to get the most out of your talks.

2. Try to meet up. Nothing beats meeting face to face so you should try to meet up whenever possible. Some things simply can not be done adequately over the phone or via letters, marriage games and other activities are best done in person so you can enjoy each others company. Even if it is only for a short time, meeting up every now and then can make all the difference.

3. Create a hobby. Having a hobby the two of you can share is a great way to bring you together despite the distance as well as give you something to do or talk about. Typically it is best to find something you can do over the internet, as it is often readily available and offers a wide variety of activities. But do not toss out conventional hobbies as they are still an option as well.

4. Surprise. Routines can get dull no matter what, especially in a long distance marriage. So finding ways to surprise your spouse can be a great way to add a little spice to your love life. It can be something like a gift or unexpected letter. If you are feeling especially grand you can even go so far as taking a surprise trip to meet up with them.

5. Share moments. We all experience moments in life that we would like to share with our loved ones. Just because they are not there with you does not mean you can not share them. You can share videos and pictures of special moments as marriage games and make it a fun activity that can connect the two of you.

You can return to the relationship rescue home page by following this link.

If your happen to be reading this, there is a strong possibility that your are concerned about your own marriage or someone elses who is close to you. Here, you will find some ‘real’ tips on how you can begin to fix your marriage and hopefully, even improve your relationship.

1. Be realistic. Take a long hard look at you and your spouse. Do both of you really want to work on the marriage? Now is not the time for wishful thinking, it is time for a reality check.

If both of you aren’t willing to make changes the odds of you saving your marriage are very low.

2. If you honestly think that both of you are interested in doing what needs to be done to save the marriage, the next step is to determine what to do.

In most cases, the longer a relationship goes on, the more resentments and bitterness have built up. Chipping away at all this “residue” will take time. But first you need to identify it.

That can be difficult. You see, no normal person goes ballistic because their husband left the seat up or because their wife burned the casserole ( a little annoyed and frustrated sure, but not enraged).

The over the top anger usually stems from something else entirely. It has been festering right under the surface and the smallest thing can set it off.

Identifying this festering anger and the real causes behind it will allow both of you to face the old hurts and anger and move on past them.

3. None of what I have talked about is all that hard, however it can still be helpful to find someone to guide the two of you through.

These emotional issues are like landmines, if you don’t watch where you step they can blow up in your face.  A good counselor can act as a bit of a navigator and a bit of a referee. That may make it possible for the two of you to actually accomplish something worthwhile.

4. And last, but not least, learn how to communicate in an effective non – toxic way. Too many times the old hurts and angers will show up in your words too.

When that happens, the simplest comment can sound like condemnation and it can set your partner off.

No one likes to feel like they are being blamed or judged and if the two of you don’t know how to communicate and move past the debris of the past, you will continually set each other off and nothing will get accomplished.

These tips will help you gain perspective and start making positive changes which will make it easier for you to fix your marriage. It can be done, get the help you need and keep a positive attitude and the two of you may just work it out.